Hey, Friendship. What Happened To You?

I recently started watching Sex and the City long after the fervor had died down. I was curious to learn what all the fuss was about. I immediately felt a kinship with the main character, Carrie. She was a writer living in New York City. I soon realized what kept me tuning into the show wasn’t the romantic drama (well, maybe a little) but the friendships these women shared.

Carrrie, Miranda, Charlotte, and Samantha were always available on the phone. They dined, visited spas, traveled together and, of course, met up regularly at their favorite diner to dish about things that were not on the menu — sex! They remained friends through marriages, boyfriends, break-ups, and sometimes horrible life and fashion choices.

I had to remind myself that this is a TV show and not the reality of friendships and began to wonder why. Why do some women who are so close or that have been “friends forever” end up disconnected, sometimes permanently?

Let’s face it. After a time some, friendships fade and that’s just life. You are changing and friendships will change over time, as well. Women assume so may roles between family and career that some barely have time for themselves, let alone friends. The truth is, we make time for what is important, and sometimes that may only be a phone call. Friendships, like marriages, can’t survive if one person is doing all the work. Who doesn’t tire of phone calls not being returned, canceled lunch dates, or the “busier than thou” syndrome?

Cultivating friendships doesn’t have to become another chore on the to-do list, but if you need some inspiration about how friendships are actually healthy, Dr. Randy Kamen, psychologist, educator, and contributor to the The Huffington Post, offers some insights:

“We have increasingly grown disengaged from our friends, family, neighbors, and organizations. We belong to fewer clubs and groups, get together with friends less often, know fewer of our neighbors and spend less time with our families. Changes in the workplace, family structure, technology, women’s roles, and suburban life have contributed to the decline in our social networks.”

Oprah has said of her best friend Gayle King, “In all my triumphs. In every good and great thing that has ever happened to me, Gayle has been my boldest cheerleader.”

Make an effort to connect with your friends, even if just through text. This will go a long way in the health of your relationship and your overall wellbeing.